"H"O'Neill
Victims of capitol improvement. Refugees from development. These are the tales of the Angry Mob, castaways from the Grace Hall mothership on stately Mod Quad, who landed in the hinterlands adjacent to the campus golf course in a manor dubbed O'Neill Hall.
The following is a chronology from the earliest annals of O'Neill Hall history, starting with its very inception. They are immortalized here in summary, bullet-point form, purely for preservation's sake.
-Founded circa 1996.
-Golf Quad/West Quad name fight, built on old golf course nine but school wanted to call it "West Quad"
-Angry Mob--residents angry at having to leave the mothership of Grace Hall, a multi-story highrise full of limitless debauchery.
-“Shockers” 2nd choice for hall mascot.
-Namesake for Joe O'Neill, close personal friend of GWB and husband of Charles Schwab's sister. Mr. Schwab joined us in the courtyard for our inaugural panoranmic photo, which was famous for JP Jaillet's "Napoleon" pose, Melvin Pena's highwater waders, and an unnamed underclassman who ran from one side of the photo to the other and thus appears twice.
- Angry continued to personify that halcyon first year: the SYR was renamed the DSYR--Danza (official cover was “December SYR”) Slap Your Roomate. The Mardi Gras dance was replete with 1 King Float, 2 chariots, one with anatomically correct vixens to which Rector Father Mark Ghyslink famously remarked, "I think that's enough detail,” and a tractor-pulled farm wagon compete with couches (one liberated from Grace Hall).
-Spider dragging a large duffle bag w/toilet stolen from Grace Hall across campus and getting stopped by security, and adding it to one of the floats as “the King’s Throne.” Also, the custom at MG was to get really drunk, go from dorm to dorm picking up dates (whilst sending in sentries to run through the halls screaming, "O'Neill is here!") and the obligatory moment of silence outside of Grace Hall, the birthplace of the Mob.
-Famous for the pre-Mardi Gras King's Feast, whereby the Mob would take over the highriser tables at SDH.
-We had air-conditioning, making it a prime hangout for the school year bookends.
-The infamous "King of Mardi Gras" contest. 6 fools would pre-party together and get wasted enough to come out before their peers and do hopelessly stupid shit. "Would you like to come to my room for some cake--I mean sex?" The Phantom Menace play. Spider tossing fruit at the window. The super-messy 2-liter bottle contest (with no discernible point whatsoever). Bubba ate gold fish one year. Heiple dressed as Rector Tom Cummings.
-Chelsea Clinton/Stanford pep-rally we co-sponsored, with the t-shirts with the big "O'" and cigar, "Victory...It Tastes Good." -- Reference to Starr Report published days before.
-Freshman puking out of the window of quad on 4th floor onto an amorous couple hooking up on roof of chapel.
-The Drinking Wall out back--shut down by AR Tom.
-The Smokers all living on 1st floor.
-"There's Beer in the bathrooms, there's beer in the rooms, there's even beer taped to the wall." and the fire alarm that shut down the first big party of the year.
-Freshman DisOrientation---"finish this bottle of Everclear."
-Errant lacross balls that fly across the courtyard and straight into your nuts
-Stacking shit in front of JP's door when we stumble in at night
-Freshman required to provide donuts for upperclassmen every football Saturday.
-The tunnels from McGlinn and calling our RA from the top floor of Grace Hall
-"You're not ready!" and "Keep the dream alive!"
-Each section sneaking in 12 cases of beer apiece for the largest Dorm party ever
-40s at Four and the Friday Soundtrack. Mickey's, Colt 45 (double malt w/wide brim), Schlitz
- Convenience food store named “Spanky’s” established on first floor. Hand painted sign features a monkey holding a very large banana.
- Voice mail to land line phones was the preferred form of communication from the hall staff to the residents. The only messages residents ever actually got on voicemail were from hall staff.
- President's "Private Quarters,"
ketchup incident
-"We Want Some Pussy" chant
-Puke in the urinals every weekend. In fact there wasn't a weekend that went by without puke in bathroom in 3b.
- The 3b Nook: they hung blankets in section lounge to wall it off. In fact, a lot of shit went down in those section lounges, that could be a "section" for your archives. From the Taxman incident to Mariokart, many 40's and drinks snuck out there. I remember soph year in 4B walking into the lounge and seeing a bunch of dudes with their nutsacks hanging out and Smeeeth losing his shit cause they were fucking with him.
- Desplinter lit a tree on fire at Mardi Gras. Melvin: "Bring us your young sngle women yearning to breed!" Gaffney won the King contest mostly due to Thong and skates. Who was the other guy that went as a condom?
- The blackout, cop cars driving thru students.
- Random people in the dorm--think who we hung out with, it's so weird. Remember the two basketball players, think one was from Ghana? Griese was an Olineman, a couple dudes were fighter pilots, the hockey player that was hooking up with Barbie, the KGB dude that would fuck with Smith. The Spanish speaking dude with long blond hair. Fonseca on the swim team. Bishop and Spock. There's so many stories.
- Spider ran around and stole all the flags off the Golf Course one foggy night with Smith ("What's Russian for gay? Smeeeth!")
- Alex almost died in a construction site fooling around in the tunnels.
- Billick and his hijinks (and winner of the Golden Pig).
- The Quake Lab! All sorts of video games, from COnway and RC ProAm to beating people with my toes at Mariokart SNES, beating people after a 64 oz playing N64. How about Schaeffer yelling about the whales in Civ3?
- Who locked JP out of his room the night before Christmas Break? He comes home at 5am with a half hour to pack, change, and go to the airport, and there's a pile of all the furniture from the section lounge in front of his room. There a prank war between him and Tim Johnson. Timmy, with his Roxanne drinking game and bizarre workouts and Lewis girls.
- Bachelor of the Month.
- The girls at McGlinn. How long could we go on about that? I was just thinking about Tony's observations regarding volume and dancing. We were at McGlinns the day after Margaritaville with shitloads of Mix on our hands, so went over there, and some girls are dancing, and fighting about music volume cause it's a Sunday night. One girl turns it down, and everyone dances less, than Tony goes and turns it back up, and people dance bigger. Tony marvels, turning music up and down and watching girls dance big and small.
- Me Tony and Billick stealing a Grace Couch and walking back to Oneill with it, no one stops us. When me and Tony stole the toilet, a security guard suddenly exited B.P., not 30 feet away from us, stopped, looked at us and said, "You got a body in there?" He smiled and walked away.
- Spider hiding his clothes above the ceiling tiles over the summers.
- The movies people had on. Saw Swingers for the first time. Rudy too. Star Wars over and over. Don't know how many times I saw Goodwill Hunting trying to pull a chick.
- Parietals.
- Community service.
- The ketchup incident. Sneaking the audio tape of Tom Cummings. I wonder if Bishop still has the edited version?
- 40's at Four and the dining hall. The pep rallies were great our Freshman year, with Holtz and everything.
- Tons of girl stories. Tons. Where in the dorm did we not hook up, be it the bathrooms, mailrooms, laundryrooms, weightrooms, food sales, lounges, roofs and basement. Only place might be the rector's office.
- The golf course drinking game, a different drink in every room. Hurricanes at Gaffneys room.
- The clucky chicken limbo thing I stunk in the ceiling above the A.R.'s door. All sorts of crap we would put in front of Ghyslink's door--we even took his name plate off and switched it with the one that said, "Housekeeping," then mailed him a ransom note from letters cut out of a magazine. That sign still exists somewhere.
The following is a chronology from the earliest annals of O'Neill Hall history, starting with its very inception. They are immortalized here in summary, bullet-point form, purely for preservation's sake.
-Founded circa 1996.
-Golf Quad/West Quad name fight, built on old golf course nine but school wanted to call it "West Quad"
-Angry Mob--residents angry at having to leave the mothership of Grace Hall, a multi-story highrise full of limitless debauchery.
-“Shockers” 2nd choice for hall mascot.
-Namesake for Joe O'Neill, close personal friend of GWB and husband of Charles Schwab's sister. Mr. Schwab joined us in the courtyard for our inaugural panoranmic photo, which was famous for JP Jaillet's "Napoleon" pose, Melvin Pena's highwater waders, and an unnamed underclassman who ran from one side of the photo to the other and thus appears twice.
- Angry continued to personify that halcyon first year: the SYR was renamed the DSYR--Danza (official cover was “December SYR”) Slap Your Roomate. The Mardi Gras dance was replete with 1 King Float, 2 chariots, one with anatomically correct vixens to which Rector Father Mark Ghyslink famously remarked, "I think that's enough detail,” and a tractor-pulled farm wagon compete with couches (one liberated from Grace Hall).
-Spider dragging a large duffle bag w/toilet stolen from Grace Hall across campus and getting stopped by security, and adding it to one of the floats as “the King’s Throne.” Also, the custom at MG was to get really drunk, go from dorm to dorm picking up dates (whilst sending in sentries to run through the halls screaming, "O'Neill is here!") and the obligatory moment of silence outside of Grace Hall, the birthplace of the Mob.
-Famous for the pre-Mardi Gras King's Feast, whereby the Mob would take over the highriser tables at SDH.
-We had air-conditioning, making it a prime hangout for the school year bookends.
-The infamous "King of Mardi Gras" contest. 6 fools would pre-party together and get wasted enough to come out before their peers and do hopelessly stupid shit. "Would you like to come to my room for some cake--I mean sex?" The Phantom Menace play. Spider tossing fruit at the window. The super-messy 2-liter bottle contest (with no discernible point whatsoever). Bubba ate gold fish one year. Heiple dressed as Rector Tom Cummings.
-Chelsea Clinton/Stanford pep-rally we co-sponsored, with the t-shirts with the big "O'" and cigar, "Victory...It Tastes Good." -- Reference to Starr Report published days before.
-Freshman puking out of the window of quad on 4th floor onto an amorous couple hooking up on roof of chapel.
-The Drinking Wall out back--shut down by AR Tom.
-The Smokers all living on 1st floor.
-"There's Beer in the bathrooms, there's beer in the rooms, there's even beer taped to the wall." and the fire alarm that shut down the first big party of the year.
-Freshman DisOrientation---"finish this bottle of Everclear."
-Errant lacross balls that fly across the courtyard and straight into your nuts
-Stacking shit in front of JP's door when we stumble in at night
-Freshman required to provide donuts for upperclassmen every football Saturday.
-The tunnels from McGlinn and calling our RA from the top floor of Grace Hall
-"You're not ready!" and "Keep the dream alive!"
-Each section sneaking in 12 cases of beer apiece for the largest Dorm party ever
-40s at Four and the Friday Soundtrack. Mickey's, Colt 45 (double malt w/wide brim), Schlitz
- Convenience food store named “Spanky’s” established on first floor. Hand painted sign features a monkey holding a very large banana.
- Voice mail to land line phones was the preferred form of communication from the hall staff to the residents. The only messages residents ever actually got on voicemail were from hall staff.
- President's "Private Quarters,"
ketchup incident
-"We Want Some Pussy" chant
-Puke in the urinals every weekend. In fact there wasn't a weekend that went by without puke in bathroom in 3b.
- The 3b Nook: they hung blankets in section lounge to wall it off. In fact, a lot of shit went down in those section lounges, that could be a "section" for your archives. From the Taxman incident to Mariokart, many 40's and drinks snuck out there. I remember soph year in 4B walking into the lounge and seeing a bunch of dudes with their nutsacks hanging out and Smeeeth losing his shit cause they were fucking with him.
- Desplinter lit a tree on fire at Mardi Gras. Melvin: "Bring us your young sngle women yearning to breed!" Gaffney won the King contest mostly due to Thong and skates. Who was the other guy that went as a condom?
- The blackout, cop cars driving thru students.
- Random people in the dorm--think who we hung out with, it's so weird. Remember the two basketball players, think one was from Ghana? Griese was an Olineman, a couple dudes were fighter pilots, the hockey player that was hooking up with Barbie, the KGB dude that would fuck with Smith. The Spanish speaking dude with long blond hair. Fonseca on the swim team. Bishop and Spock. There's so many stories.
- Spider ran around and stole all the flags off the Golf Course one foggy night with Smith ("What's Russian for gay? Smeeeth!")
- Alex almost died in a construction site fooling around in the tunnels.
- Billick and his hijinks (and winner of the Golden Pig).
- The Quake Lab! All sorts of video games, from COnway and RC ProAm to beating people with my toes at Mariokart SNES, beating people after a 64 oz playing N64. How about Schaeffer yelling about the whales in Civ3?
- Who locked JP out of his room the night before Christmas Break? He comes home at 5am with a half hour to pack, change, and go to the airport, and there's a pile of all the furniture from the section lounge in front of his room. There a prank war between him and Tim Johnson. Timmy, with his Roxanne drinking game and bizarre workouts and Lewis girls.
- Bachelor of the Month.
- The girls at McGlinn. How long could we go on about that? I was just thinking about Tony's observations regarding volume and dancing. We were at McGlinns the day after Margaritaville with shitloads of Mix on our hands, so went over there, and some girls are dancing, and fighting about music volume cause it's a Sunday night. One girl turns it down, and everyone dances less, than Tony goes and turns it back up, and people dance bigger. Tony marvels, turning music up and down and watching girls dance big and small.
- Me Tony and Billick stealing a Grace Couch and walking back to Oneill with it, no one stops us. When me and Tony stole the toilet, a security guard suddenly exited B.P., not 30 feet away from us, stopped, looked at us and said, "You got a body in there?" He smiled and walked away.
- Spider hiding his clothes above the ceiling tiles over the summers.
- The movies people had on. Saw Swingers for the first time. Rudy too. Star Wars over and over. Don't know how many times I saw Goodwill Hunting trying to pull a chick.
- Parietals.
- Community service.
- The ketchup incident. Sneaking the audio tape of Tom Cummings. I wonder if Bishop still has the edited version?
- 40's at Four and the dining hall. The pep rallies were great our Freshman year, with Holtz and everything.
- Tons of girl stories. Tons. Where in the dorm did we not hook up, be it the bathrooms, mailrooms, laundryrooms, weightrooms, food sales, lounges, roofs and basement. Only place might be the rector's office.
- The golf course drinking game, a different drink in every room. Hurricanes at Gaffneys room.
- The clucky chicken limbo thing I stunk in the ceiling above the A.R.'s door. All sorts of crap we would put in front of Ghyslink's door--we even took his name plate off and switched it with the one that said, "Housekeeping," then mailed him a ransom note from letters cut out of a magazine. That sign still exists somewhere.
tale spun by Cherith Cutestory at 12:50 PM
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